I wish I knew how to be wise
And have that knowing look in my eyes
Remaining silent while you nattered
As though I knew what really mattered

I’d never chat about the weather
Or discuss TV when we’re together
Always wearing a benign smile
Eternal bliss would be my style

I’d radiate endless compassion
Forgiving all, as is the fashion
A fathomless well of generosity
In love, unbounded precocity

I really think I’d have a flair
For worry beads and matted hair
I’d hover inches above the ground
Odour of sanctity all around

My aura would light the darkest place
While mortals worshipped my radiant face
Transfixed by supernatural beams
Flowing like Himalayan streams

Now and then I’d emit a platitude
While those around would melt in gratitude
Dumbstruck by my ethereal emanation
The fruit of yogic bowel elimination

But if you bowed to kiss my feet
(I think that would be really neat)
You’d better not smudge my toeless sandals
Or comment on my holy love-handles

If your chakras had some obstruction
I’d offer my course in karmic reduction
Having a diploma in kundalini power
All cards accepted, pay by the hour

I’d burn incense and chant a mantra
All legitimate and based on Tantra
Tutelary deities could well preside
I’d keep a few on the side

While priests and sheikhs and rabbis slept
I’d meditate like a true Adept
Transmitting subtle healing vibes
Like the ancient Tibetan scribes

If I were wise I’d have no care
My whole life would be a prayer
No tiresome rules to bother me
I’d commune direct with divinity

I’d have no truck with full prostration
Or other forms of mortification
Knowing Maya in her other guise
New ways of binding with golden ties

Self-abnegation is for lesser beings
Fasting, bowing, cleaning latrines
Can’t you see it’s below my station?
On the path to Realization

Yes, I wish I knew how to be wise
But I might just have to compromise
I’m not in that vaunted league you see
I’ll have to settle for philosophy

Copyright Simon Kidd